Eliza Sue
by Yemi Hikari
Summary: Eliza Diawana Snape... one of the Classic Mary Sues. But unlike Rose Potter and others, she tends to be forgotten. There are things that one can learn from her though. Plus, I enjoy reading 'The Eliza Trilogy' as a Mary Sue Classic.
1. Eliza's Prophesy

_Disclaimer – I do not own 'Harry Potter'. I also do not own 'The Eliza Trilogy', which is one of the Mary Sue Classics. More on that at the end, for those who don't like reading long author's notes at the beginning of the story._

**Eliza Sue  
~_Eliza's Prophesy~  
_**_It's bad enough having that prophecy hanging over my head without the notes. ~ Eliza Diawna Snape_

Sitting in the Gryffindor common room, the fire crackled and flared, causing a warmth to spread across the floor and furniture, making it comfortable for the majority of the students who lounged within the common room. The glow spread a golden color onto the skin of every student there. While Harry and Ron busied themselves with the playing of chess, Hermione and Eliza read books.

Harry moved his piece upon the chess board, only to have Ronald Weasly ecstatically call out, "Check mate!"

Potter let out a groan and then leaned back in his chair, his entire body tense from the woes that happened to betide himself. He didn't at all mention yet what was bothering him, yet instead went into a tirade on his best friend. "Seriously Ron, what is playing chess with you, only to have you beat me each time supposed to accomplish?"

"I enjoy chess and find it to be a major stress reliever," Ronald stated firmly. "Let's set up again?" However, this was met with an irritated look from Harry, not to mention the other teens nose curled up with a hint of disdain, not aimed at his best bud, but in fact aimed at the idea of having to play another game.

Hermione spoke up, her voice tight with lecture for the red head Weasly. "Ronald, you do relize that while you may find chess to be a nice way to tide the time, you have to remember you happen to have beat almost everyone, every single time. Plus, when you are talking about Wizards chess, there is a certain barbaric element to it."

"Sorry Harry... I'll figure out something else to cheer you up. I mean, finding out about that prophesy and all..." Ron began to put away the chess set, his mood rather somber, due to the fact that he had been chastized. Eliza, who was in the chair near them, perked her head up.

"Come on Ron... it is the thought that counts here," Harry stated. Potter proceeded to help his friend to pack the Wizard Chess set away, his mood still rather on the depressed side.

"You mentioned a prophesy?" Eliza suddenly spoke up. All three suddenly turned towards her, a bit surprised.

"Ron... we weren't going to talk about this to just anyone, remember?" Hermione sighed, placing a bookmark into her book, and then setting it down.

"Look... Eliza, all you need to know is that.." Harry paused, wondering how exactly to tell the female. Truth of the matter, she was related to Snape, and Snape happened to be the one who told a small part of his prophesy to Voldemort. He decided to fair a bit on the side of caution. Even if Eliza was an ally, truth of the matter was, there was no telling what Snape would do. "...it was rather depressing, and I lost someone I care about over it."

"Oh... I know how that feels," the girl commented, her nose in her book. Her tone though, didn't at all reflect that she really knew what he felt. It was too light, to happy.

Hermione frowned at this, her brow scrunching up. "Eliza... what exactly do you mean by that?"

"I have a prophesy hanging over my head too," the girl stated firmly, her nose still firmly in her book. It was as if she wasn't paying any attention to them.

"_Didn't _you hear that Harry had someone killed over his prophesy. Actually, it was _more _then one person_." _Ron's tone was completely on the defensive, as if he found Eliza's attitude a bit rude.

At that, Eliza's head snapped up. "I apologize. I didn't hear that. But I mean that I understand what it means to have a prophesy over ones head."

"Eliza... you don't _act _like you do understand," Hermione stated, a bit of worry in her voice. "What exactly is your prophesy?"

"Umm..." the other girl paused short, biting her lip. "I can't tell you..." She simply went back to her book, an air of silence hanging over the common room.

_Author's note – _

_I really want to keep this short and simple, but I am not sure how short I can keep this author's note for the first chapter. So, here are the things that I feel that readers need to know. _

_'The Eliza Trilogy' was a fanfic written by EDS back around 2000 to 2001. It was written after the forth HP book and before the fifth. Around 2007 EDS disappeared from this site, deleting all of her fanfics. In other words, she is one of the Suethors who is no longer around, but we can still refer back to her fanfics, simply because someone was kind enough to save it._

_The intent of 'Eliza Sue' is not to bash in the original fanfic, but to do the following. It is to have a bit of good humored fun satirize the fanfic. It is meant to be a learning tool, to teach fanfic writers for one thing, what not to do, why certain things don't work, and perhaps even ways to work around some of the problems one has in their fanfics. It is also meant to be enjoyed, hopefully even by Suethors._

_This chapter is based off the fact that I have in fact gotten half way through the first fanfic of the trilogy and while Eliza says she has a prophesy, she doesn't happen to say WHAT that prophesy is. I'll possibly touch on this later on. However, this is what I think can be learned._

_**Rules of Thumb 1 - **It is better to be upfront about your prophesy for your character at the very beginning. People can point out the flaws involved for one thing. Also, it doesn't seem as if you the author are coming up with it randomly. There is such a thing a way too mysterious, and this is it._


	2. Owl from Mum

**Eliza Sue  
~Owl from Mum~**_  
__Hopefully she'll take me away from this school._ _…_ _I can't believe it! She's sending me to my father in England for the school year! ~ Eliza Diawna Snape_

Scattered upon the wooden desk were notes off all kinds. Eliza carefully fingered them, looking over the ones written in blood red ink, to the ones that asked her to just go die. All of them were anonymous, so she couldn't tell who happened to send them. She never showed them to the head of her school. That was though, because of the fact that she felt the lady was ignoring her about this whole matter.

"_I really wish mom would take me away from this school._" Eliza leaned forward onto her arm, her lip pursing to the side. A deep depression was setting in. It wasn't that she wanted to die, she just didn't want to have anything to do with living a normal life anymore. That was how bad the bullying happened to be.

Suddenly, she heard a flurry of feathered wings and she turned towards the window sill of the girls dorm, where she saw her mother's owl perched on the sill, watching her. Quickly, she headed over and detached the letter from the owl. She opened it up quickly.

_My dear Eliza,  
~ I am so sorry that you have received these death threats from your fellow students. Personally, with my standing in the community, I have to take this seriously, due to the anonymity. I mean, for all we know, it might not even be a student. So, here is my decision on the whole matter. Please pay in mind I mean the best for you.  
~ I am going to remove you from the school. However, I am not able to home school you, as I do not have time to do so. I also can not easily transfer you to another school here in the states. So, I've decided to send you to live with your father over in England. That means it will be an easy transfer for you.  
~ Love, your mother_

Eliza felt her cheeks suddenly flaring and her cheeks puffing out. Tears welled in her eyes, not to mention a few trickled down her cheeks. Her mind was reeling. It was as if the only words she read were that she was being sent away. Then again, perhaps in her agitation, these were the only words that in truth registered for her, as she chocked out her tears.

"_Doesn't mum love me at all?" _the girl thought to herself. "_I don't want to leave. If she loved me, she would have found a way for me to stay. I feel like I am being punished. As if this really is the best thing for me, sending me away from the family I know. It just isn't fair!_" At that, Eliza pulled out her journal and began to write, her anger and agitation getting the better of her.

_Author's note – I actually caught this one on the third read through. In her first journal entry, we have Eliza bemoaning that she wants to leave the school, and then in the next one, not believing that she is in fact leaving. Without added detail, it sounds contradictory... and yes... there is missing detail in the journal entry._

_**Rule of Thumb 2 – **Do not contradict what you say in one spot, in another spot later on. This is just bad writing.  
**Rule of Thumb 3 – **Do put in any necessary detail that you need to. Context clues are important. For example, here... Eliza seems to be saying at one point she wants to leave, then that she doesn't want too. However, if EDS had thought about why Eliza was upset, and put in more detail, the contradiction wouldn't exist._


	3. Witch, So Derogatory

**Eliza Sue  
~Witch, So Derogatory**~_  
__ I'm not sure how much I like the title, but it seems that in England, witches are just the word for a female wizard._ ~ Eliza Diawna Snape

Eliza moved through the compartments on the Hogwart Express. Everything was new to her, being a student from America and not native to Britain. She was going into her fifth year, yet hadn't been to the school ever. It left a tad bit of emptiness in there. She found a compartment with two girls in there, both sitting and talking. Both had blue colors to their uniforms.

"Excuse me..." the girl stated firmly. She blinked a couple of times. Why would these two girls even be hanging out with each other. One happened to be extremely pretty, her appearance completely neat and prim, while the other happened to dress oddily, not to mention she was reading a paper upside down.

"You don't look to be a first year," the pretty oriental girl spoke up, blinking a couple of times. "Yet..." There was an aqward silence, as the other girl suddenly put down her paper.

"I think Fickles stole her house colors," Luna stated firmly, non-plused about the whole matter.

Of course, Eliza found herself going on the defensive. Having been teased as she had at her old school, she wasn't about to put it up at this one. "It isn't my fault that I'm transferring from America."

"Really?" the other girl blinked a couple of times. "Don't mind Loney Lovegood. She means well, but she is a tad bit eccentric. That definitely does explain the fact you have no colors. My name is Cho Chang. What do you think about going to Hogwarts?"

"I am not sure I like the term witch," the girl stated, collapsing into the seat. "Doesn't it just mean female wizard?"

"What?" Cho blinked a couple of times. "I have to ask... did you come from a Muggle family or something?"

"What do you mean?" Eliza twiddled her thumbs. "Well, isn't it a term..."

"Didn't you use it back at your school?" the other girl sighed, shaking her head.

"But... I came from America..." Eliza tried to input, her face turning pink from embarrassment. "I don't believe we use that term, because it is derogatory."

"America wizards and witches once lived in Great Britain and other countries," Luna piped up. "They wouldn't use different terminology, would they? I might be an odd duck, but even I know that."

Eliza couldn't help but feel completely embarrassed at this. She glanced at her feat, yet her head darted up when Cho Chang spoke up. "There is nothing wrong with equal rights for females. Just... know what you are talking about before you make assumptions like that, all right?" Eliza found herself nodding her head, her cheeks completely flushed.

_Author's note – Really... EDS did have Eliza writing this in her diary. Thankfully Eliza NEVER said that to anyone around her, that she actually had problems with the word witch. Then again, we would have likely have seen people agreeing with her. I thought the mistake was kawaii... to a point._

_**Rule of Thumb 4 – **Understand the difference between opinion and fact.  
**Rule of Thumb 5 – **Cultural and historical research is a must._

_P. S. For those who don't understand why Eliza's comment was odd, about witch being a derogatory term, the funny thing about that is, witch has been used in the past for BOTH male and females._


	4. Looking Down

**Eliza Sue  
~Looking Down**~_  
__ I hope the students are more serious about learning at Hogwarts._ ~ Eliza Diawna Snape

A few girls sneaked up the wooden stairs of the dorm room. A few giggles came from one of the girls, only to have one of the girls shush her. In one of their hands was a wet-start firecracker, imported to America all the way from Great Britain. One of the girls creaked the door open, and they again had to stifle their laughter.

Eliza Diawna Snape sat at the desk that was at the side of the room. Truth of the matter was, there was only one desk per room. However, for this particular room, Eliza seemed to always take it over, never really letting any of the other girls have a chance to use the desk. In fact, all of her books were stacked on it.

Carefully, one of the girls dipped the end of the firecracker into water, then tossed it Eliza's way. It skittered around, then went off, causing Eliza to suddenly fall backward from her chair, letting out a scream of dismay. The girls let out a fit of giggles, as the young Snape stared up at the ceiling. However, she suddenly turned on them, jumping up.

"How dare you!" she stated firmly. "Just because you can't take your education seriously, doesn't mean that you need to interfere with those who do!"

"Come on Eliza... you need to lighten up. We don't have any major projects or exams. Plus, not everyone is about making straight A's," one of the girl stated.

"Which just goes to show how much you morons don't take things seriously," Eliza stated, getting up to slam the door into their faces.

_Author's note – There is two ways one can take Eliza's statement. This is the taking of it possibly not the way that the author wanted, but how it can possibly be read, depending on what Eliza's true personality is like._

_**Rule of Thumb 6 – Make sure what you mean is clear. This is a little bit different then number two and three. This completely has to do with HOW you word something.**_


	5. Party Class

**Eliza Sue  
~Party Class**~_  
_ _I hope the students are more serious about learning at Hogwarts._ ~ Eliza Diawna Snape

Eliza sat up in her room, reading through her books. Most of the other girls happened to have gone out for the evening, thus she felt that she could easily get things done. She heard a slight noise coming from the hall, the voice of one of her roommates. She also heard the voice of a boy. She snapped her head up, just in time to see them step into the room, the boy muttering a spell to lock the door.

"What are you two doing?" she asked. Her voice was cold.

"Ignore her," the other girl stated, suddenly pushing the guy over to the center of the floor. She lay down on the floor, right in the middle.. "She is so daft about things, it isn't funny. Plus, she won't tell... she knows what happened to her last time."

"I should hope not," the boy chuckled, suddenly twisting the girl around so that he was on top of the girl. He suddenly locked lips with the girl and began to unbutton her school blouse.

"Haven't you two heard of getting a room," Eliza gagged. Her face turned pale as she saw the girls underwear quickly appear, first her bra, then her panties as the boy pulled up and crinkled the girls skirt. She turned her head away, and her hand went to quickly pack her books.

There was a groan from her classmate, however, she didn't stop to turn her head around. She got up and reached for the lock on the door, however, she found it to be spelled tightly. She took her wand, to undo the spell, hurrying out of the room. "_I hate this school..._"

_Author's note – This is the other way, and probably the way the author meant it to be taken, but perhaps not._

_**Rule of Thumb 6 – **Make sure what you mean is clear. This is a little bit different then number two and three. This completely has to do with HOW you word something._


End file.
